Batman Can’t Stop Thinking About Sex

Batman Can’t Stop Thinking About Sex

Where’s the trigger?! I broke you… how have you come back? You think you’re the only one who could learn the strength to escape? I did not escape The child of Ra’s al Ghul made the climb But he is not the child of Ra’s al Ghul… I am. What? Miranda… Talia… al Ghul Here to finish my father’s work But… we totally had sex. Yes I-I know No, like… hardcore Three times It was all a cruel ploy to gain your confidence That was a cruel ploy? Sign me up for another It was great When the mission is at hand, no act is off limits Oh, I agree Nothing was off limits It was like an “all-you-can-fuck” buffet Okay Bruce, that’s enough Okay, let’s get back on track You must be wondering how we came to this moment, Mr. Wayne Lemme see if I recollect… some stuff happened… you sucked my dick… My father- like a lot My father never accepted Bane How was that, by the way? Are you done? I hadn’t showered that day and I fight crime in a rubber suit Really seals in the flavor Ugh, dude, Jesus My father only saw a monster who could not be tamed You tamed my monster– Okay, just shut up! Okay? …with your mouth– STOP! …and two other places– O-okay -in an order that would surprise you Enough! (ass, mouth, vag) Alright, that’s it! That’s my lover I’m speaking to; I am her protector That’s ironic ’cause we didn’t use any protection and I offered! You motherfuc- No, no, no Bane, it’s fine These words will be his last Her last words were: “Spit in my mouth!” Okay, do you understand what’s happening right now? A bomb is about to blow up Gotham and I’ve stabbed you! I stabbed you first. Okay. …with my dick. I-I got it Just to clarify, guy who breathes through a crab It’s not the first time one of us has shoved nine hard inches up into somebody’s ribs It wasn’t nine inches Except what I did to her she looooved it Enough! Soon you will feel the fire of 12 million souls you failed! So what you are saying is by touching that red spot in just the right way there’s an explosion? Exactly. We get it You know I’m good at it I’ll do the alphabet A is for Alfred, B is for bats It’s a clitoris, I get it, I get it You don’t have to show me (I’ve found it!) I get it I’m the world’s greatest detective! Give it- Yes, how does it feel to have something hard penetrate your body? No? Nothing? I mean I can think of like ten off of that I’m sorry All sex jokes aside, I am losing quite a bit of blood You’re an idiot Alright, fuck this, I am just gonna blow up Gotham now Goodbye, my love Wait, are you crying right now? Jesus… his face is all wet Like mine was at the beginning- Andddd he’s back -and yours was at the end Press the button! You gave Gordon a way to block my signal No matter, you bought yourself 11 minutes What you should buy yourself… is another pair of panties I totally hid these from you when you were in the John So gross. That’s a lot of memories You want a little? Which ones of these tubes you smell out of? Uh-ugh Now, you have my permission to cry

100 thoughts on “Batman Can’t Stop Thinking About Sex”

  1. You're reading these comments – in an order that would surprise you – in Batman's voice.

    Now you have my permission to cry.

  2. Everything about this episode was absolutely hilarious to me. It was hilarious seeing how she was about to laugh at 2:55

  3. Robert Pattinson? Get someone who's awesome, isn't in the worst movies of all time, and already has experience as Batman. It can't hurt DC at this point.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *