Chappelle’s Show – Celebrity Trial Jury Selection

Chappelle’s Show – Celebrity Trial Jury Selection


ARE YOU AWARE OF THE CHARGES THAT MICHAEL JACKSON
IS CURRENTLY FACING? YES, SIR. AH, AND FOR THE RECORD,
THESE CHARGES HURT ME THE MOST. SO HE’S GUILTY. LOOK, MAN.
LOOK. MICHAEL JACKSON HAS MANY FACES. NONE OF THEM
LOOK GUILTY TO ME. YOU GOT TO LOOK IN THE EYES,
NOT THE NOSES. HE’S BEEN ACCUSED OF THIS
MORE THAN ONCE. SO? SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT CUCUMBERS
TASTE BETTER PICKLED. WHAT?
HUH? WHAT?
HUH? WHAT IF I TOLD YOU
THAT THE ACCUSERS CORRECTLY DESCRIBED MICHAEL’S
PENIS TO INVESTIGATORS. SIR, I HAVE NEVER SEEN
MICHAEL’S ALLEGED PENIS, BUT I BET YOU THAT I COULD
DESCRIBE IT, ALL RIGHT? LET ME GUESS. THERE’S A HEAD,
A SHAFT, SOME BALLS, HAIR–MAYBE PRESSED, PERMED HAIR WITH GLITTER SPRINKLED ON IT. THAT IS CORRECT. WHOA, HOW’D I KNOW? COME ON, DUDE,
I COULDN’T PICK MY OWN PENIS OUT OF A LINEUP, ALL RIGHT? AND ME AND MY PENIS
IS LIKE THIS, SON. WHAT ABOUT MICHAEL
SAYING IT’S OKAY TO HAVE CHILDREN
SLEEP WITH HIM? THAT DON’T MEAN ANYTHING. I’M SURE THERE’S PLENTY OF KIDS
THAT SLEEP IN THE BED WITH THEIR ADULTS ALL THE TIME
AND NOTHING HAPPENS. SO YOU DO YOU THINK
MICHAEL JACKSON IS GUILTY OF THE CHARGES
AGAINST HIM? NO, MAN. HE MADE THRILLER. THRILLER. SO YOU’D LET YOUR CHILDREN
SLEEP WITH HIM. (BLEEP) NO! EW. ARE YOU AWARE
THAT ROBERT BLAKE IS FACING
A CHARGE OF MURDER? OH, YEAH. BARETTA DID THAT (BLEEP). MR. CHAPPELLE,
ARE YOU AWARE THAT ROBERT KELLY IS BEING CHARGED
WITH CHILD PORNOGRAPHY? YES, I’VE HEARD
OF SUCH THINGS. YOU’VE SEEN
THE VIDEO TAPES? HAVE I SEEN IT? LIKE 80 TIMES. YOU KNOW THE PART WHERE HE’S
WAITING FOR HER TO COME OVER, AND HE’S LOOKING IN
THE CAMERA LIKE… [grunting] SO YOU THINK THAT IT WAS
ROBERT KELLY ON THE TAPE? WELL, I’D HAVE
TO SAY IT WAS. SO THEN YOU BELIEVE HE URINATED
ON A 15-YEAR-OLD GIRL. WHOA, HOLD ON, LADY! I DIDN’T SAY ALL THAT. YOU KNOW WITH THESE TAPES
THEY CAN DO A LOT OF THINGS. FOR ALL I KNOW,
THAT PISS WAS DIGITAL. THEY GET CRAZY
WITH SPECIAL EFFECTS. LOOK, LOOK, CHECK THIS OUT. I DIDN’T EVEN JUST DO THAT. DID I DO THAT? THAT PISS WAS DIGITAL. THEY’LL DO CRAZY STUFF
WITH SPECIAL EFFECTS. WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL
CORROBORATING THE STORY? SO WHAT? HOW MUCH MONEY DOES
THIS GIRL STAND TO MAKE BY “CO-OBORATING”
THIS STORY? I TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU GIVE ME THAT KIND OF MONEY, R. KELLY CAN FART
IN MY DINNER TONIGHT. SPRAY-FART. SO BESIDES THE TAPE
AND THE GIRL CORROBORATING
THE ALLEGATIONS, WHAT MORE WOULD IT TAKE
FOR YOU TO BELIEVE HE’S GUILTY? ALL RIGHT, IF I SAW A TAPE
OF R. KELLY PEEING ON A GIRL WHILE HE WAS SINGING
“PISS ON YOU”… ♪ LOVERS WANNA LOVE… ♪ AND THE GIRL WAS HOLDING
TWO FORMS OF GOVERNMENT I.D., WHILE A POLICE OFFICER
WAS THERE, LIKE, FOUR OR FIVE
OF MY BUDDIES, AND NEAL TAKING NOTES… WELL–
I’M NOT FINISHED. AND HIS GRANDMOTHER
HAS TO BE THERE TO CONFIRM HIS IDENTIFY. THAT’S MY ROBERT,
ALWAYS PEEING ON PEOPLE. DON’T FORGET HER HAIR, ROBERT. YES, GRANDMOTHER. MR. CHAPPELLE,
ISN’T THAT EXCESSIVE? NO, NO, IT’S NOT EXCESSIVE. LISTEN, LADY, THE BURDEN
OF PROOF IS ON THE STATE. ON THE STATE! YOU HAVE GOT
TO PROVE TO ME BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT WHETHER OR NOT
THIS MAN IS A PISSER. AREN’T YOUR DOUBTS
UNREASONABLE? NO, IT’S NOT UNREASONABLE. LOOK, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT
A JUSTICE SYSTEM THAT HAD 500 PEOPLE
WHOSE CASES WERE OVERTURNED BY DNA EVIDENCE. I’VE SEEN A TAPE WHERE
FIVE COPS BEAT UP A NIGGA, AND THEY SAID
THAT THEY HAD REASONABLE DOUBT. I GOT MY DOUBTS TOO, ALL RIGHT? HOW COME THEY DIDN’T FIND
BIG AND TUPAC’S MURDERERS BUT THEY ARREST
O.J. THE NEXT DAY? NICOLE SIMPSON CAN’T RAP. I WANT JUSTICE! YOU ARE ALL– THIS WHOLE GODDAMN COURT
IS OUT OF ORDER. EVERYBODY! MR. CHAPPELLE,
YOU’RE DISMISSED. AND THAT’S FROM THE HEART.

100 thoughts on “Chappelle’s Show – Celebrity Trial Jury Selection”

  1. My favorite skitπŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘
    Love πŸ’˜U Dave Chappell πŸ‘Š

  2. There’s a head a shaft some balls some hair maybe pressed purmed hair πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚I’m weak

  3. Please support this man. He is the last of the Mohicans. Doesn't give a damn what people say or if his comedy hurts someone's feelings. Comedic genius, comedians hold a mirror up to society and show us our flaws through satire. The cultural issues he points out are valid and the hypocrisy of this generation is very real. For example, Dave was butchered in the media for apparently "normalizing" R Kelly's molest of a 14 yr old because he made jokes about it (ummm whaaa?). Then he tells jokes about LGBTQ and he is crucified for it. Media and SJWs again, but shouldn't they support the comedy? The jokes about LGBTQ should be praised for "normalizing" their place in society. Oh wait that would be a level of consistency unattainable by the hateful angry SJWs of our time.

    Keep doing your thing Dave, We are with you until the wheels come off and when they do, we will put those b!tches back on and keep rollin'..

  4. What you young folks should do is look this skit up but the extended version.. Because before the Micheal Jackson trial he does a skit about OJ SIMPSON.. And they never show it unless you search it yourself. Your welcome.

  5. When he pees on that woman I laughed so hard I died πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  6. How come they never find Biggie and 2pac's murder but arrest O.J in the next day?
    Nicole Simpson can't Rap!

    Why DaveπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ€·πŸ½β€β™‚οΈ

  7. Chandler did not correctly describe MJ's penis which is why he was not arrested. Chandler said MJ was circumcised when he was not. Chandler said he had one dark spot when he had many. Chandler said nothing about size and shape. So what was so accurate about that description?

  8. I know this is old … but shit I LOVED the Chapelle show …. so glad to have him back!! I’m β€œoffended” ….. like everyone else is by him! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚!

  9. 3:52 – 4:16 is the punchline. Unfortunately, most fans are too busy laughing to give a shit about what the purpose of this sketch was.

  10. So happy that 14 years after the prime of the Chappelle show he is finally getting the attention he deserves. in this messed up SJW, PC culture we need more Chappelles. The guy just has the balls to say whatever he wants. Love him. Even though they are polar opposites in some ways, he is more like Carlin than any other comedian. Just TRUTH.

  11. The new special is ok. It has alot of topics that people are afraid to talk about but let's be honest. Parts of it wasn't funny. When I watch comedy specials I want to laugh not someone to preach at me. Bill Burr had the best special out between dave and him. However, old dave chappele specials from over 15 years ago will forever be my favorite.

  12. Child photography is not comedy. This is how the deep state set you sheep up for acceptance to pedophilia in Hollywood. We told you pizza pizzagate was real, we told you pedorvores are real. It's in your faces and you still say no! Weinstein Epstein Jackson Vatican Prince Andrew Priest world wide. Government officials and list goes on on on…. save the children before it becomes your child. Wake the FK up. WWG1WGA TRUMP 2020 & Q

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