First Drafts: Summer Blockbuster Movies

First Drafts: Summer Blockbuster Movies


SUMMER HAS OFFICIALLY ARRIVED,
AND I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER, BECAUSE SUMMER MEANS GIANT
HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTERS. AND I’M A SUCKER FOR THEM. EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK RIGHT NOW,
THERE ARE ADS FOR BIG SUMMER MOVIES WITH CLEVER TAGLINES. YOU MIGHT NOT REALIZE IT, BUT A
LOT OF WORK GOES INTO WRITING EACH OF THOSE LITTLE TAGLINES,
AND THEY DON’T ALWAYS GET THEM RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. SO TONIGHT, WE’RE GOING TO LOOK
AT SOME OF THE EARLY ATTEMPTS, IN OUR SEGMENT, “FIRST DRAFTS!”
>>NO, NO! STUPID, STUPID!>>AH.>>Stephen: ALL RIGHT. LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME MOVIE
TAGLINES BEFORE THEY PERFECTED THEM. ALL RIGHT. FIRST UP. HERE’S A GOOD EXAMPLE. HERE’S THE POSTER FOR
“INDEPENDENCE DAY: RESURGENCE.” YOU CAN SEE THE TAGLINE IS “WE
HAD 20 YEARS TO PREPARE. SO DID THEY.” ALL RIGHT? BUT THE FIRST DRAFT– THAT’S
WHAT THEY CAME UP WITH. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, “FOR
20 YEARS, WILL SMITH SAID ‘NO.’ SO WE JUST MADE IT WITHOUT HIM.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BASED ON A TRUE STORY RIGHT HERE. YOU EVER SEE “BEN-HUR.”>>Jon: NO, I DIDN’T SEE THAT.>>Stephen: THEY’RE DOING A
REMAKE OF “BEN-HUR.” AND THEY’VE ALREADY GOT THE
POSTER OUT FOR THE SUMMER. “BEN-HUR”.” THE TAGLINE IS “FIRST TO FINISH. LAST TO DIE.” PRETTY DRAMATIC. PRETTY EFFECTIVE. BUT THE FIRST TAGLINE WAS,
“BEN HUR, DONE THAT.” ACCURATE. I SAW THIS ONE THIS WEEKEND. I SAW “FINDING DORY.” HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?>>Jon: I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT.>>Stephen: WATERWORKS,
ABSOLUTELY WATERED WORKS. BUT YOU CAN’T TELL BECAUSE
THEY’RE UNDER WATER. THIS IS A GREAT MOVIE. THE TAGLINE IS “SHE JUST KEPT
SWIMMING…” CALLS BACK THE FIRST MOVIE. YOU LOVE IT. BUT THE FIRST TAGLINE SAID,
“SERVE WITH BUTTER AND LEMON.” DIDN’T GO OVER AS WELL. DIDN’T GO OVER AS WELL. THEY DECIDED NOT TO DO THAT ONE. THEY DECIDED NOT TO DO THAT ONE,
THOUGH IT DOES SOUND DELICIOUS. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THIS ONE, I REALLY ENJOYED THIS,
TOO. THIS HAS ALREADY COME OUT THIS
SUMMER BUT IT WAS A HUGE HIT. HERE’S THE POSTER FOR “CAPTAIN
AMERICA: CIVIL WAR.” IT SAYS, “UNITED WE STAND,
DIVIDED WE FALL.” STRONG, AMERICAN TAGLINE. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT WAS, “THE
FUN KIND OF CIVIL WAR, WITHOUT ALL THE SLAVERY.” IT’S TRUE. IT’S NOT AS FUN. ( APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: AAAH…>>Stephen: THEY DECIDED NOT
TO GO WITH IT. IT’S A FIRST DRAFT. THAT’S WHY THEY DIDN’T GO WITH
IT. YOUR REACTION RIGHT NOW IS WHY
THEY DIDN’T DO THAT. THAT’S WHY. THAT’S WHY. YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN THE FOCUS
GROUP THEY USED. THIS ONE– I KNOW THESE GUYS. WE HAD KEVIN HART ON. HERE’S ONE FOR “CENTRAL
INTELLIGENCE,” WITH KEVIN HART AND DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON. THEY GOT A GREAT TAGLINE. “SAVING THE WORLD TAKES A LITTLE
HART AND A BIG JOHNSON.” WHICH IS REALLY GOOD. A NICE, FUNNY TAGLINE. BUT IT WAS ORIGINALLY, “COMING
UP WITH PUNS ABOUT THE ROCK IS DWAYNE-ING.” ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
THE ROCK IS ACTUALLY AN ENORMOUS
GUY. I’M VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS. “SUICIDE SQUAD” IS ONE OF THE
BIGGEST MOVIES OF THE YEAR. I CAN’T WAIT FOR IT TO COME OUT. THEY HAVE A REALLY GOOD SIMPLE
TAGLINE. “WORST. HEROES. EVER.” VERY SIMPLE. SELLS THE IDEA. BUT THE ORIGINAL ONE WAS, “THE
MOVIE WILL SMITH DID INSTEAD OF ‘INDEPENDENCE DAY.'”
ANYBODY WANT IT? THERE GU. THAT’S IT FOR “FIRST DRAFTS!”
WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK, WITH ZACHARY QUINTO!

81 thoughts on “First Drafts: Summer Blockbuster Movies”

  1. This show is so uncomfortable to watch. The jokes just keep bombing and you can clearly see how tense and awkward the vibe is in the studio.

  2. Yes,of course. Will Smith read the script for Resurgence,saw it was a steaming pile of alien shit and decided"Naw,I would rather be in an awesome movie".

  3. He is always throwing things at the audience. Does anybody ever get hurt or is there some sort of safety net lol

  4. The only part of Suicide Squad I know I already not gonna like is Will Smith, tired of he's face already he is the new Nicholas Cage, would've been waay better to cast Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson for this badass movie!

  5. Ghostbusters
    Tagline: Who you gonna call?
    First Draft: For the love of God, please see this shitty remake! We sunk so much money into it!

  6. Colbert's new audience is so terrible. He traded in the perceptive, devoted fanbase that he had on the Report for a standard late night talk show audience that misses half of his jokes and fucks up his timing.

  7. Who the fuck thought it was any kind of idea to remake Ben-Hur?!

    They better have a chariot kill an extra in this movie too…..

  8. I'm tired of all these generic jokes w/ props (Well, at least you are not doing the "Life Hacked" anymore). CBS just completely killed Colbert. Is this show supposed to be family-friendly or something?! Considering they blurred the frogs' waist girdle it very much may be. I want to see a sharper, more political Stephen. And whatever happened to Friday Night Fights? Would like to know who won the last round at least.

  9. Everyone just shitting on Will Smith, I like it… Suicide better blow Independence Day 2 out of the water. Thank god his stupid ass son isn't in it at least.

  10. You didn't mention the first draft tagline for Warcraft: "We're so sorry we screwed this up but it will do very well overseas."

  11. The guy on the piano's comments on this segment in order:
    "Oh no I haven't seen that."
    "Whoa.'
    "Oh naw I haven't seen that."
    Giggle
    "Whoa."

    Great addition to the show. 😉

  12. I think will smith made the right call. The guy deserves it really. going through all the shit movies for last couple of years…

  13. Four twenty time. Yeeeaahhh man. Weed is my favourite meme. Imagine if cannabis was real. That'd be crazy.

  14. So ill just be happy when they stop making freakin stupid remakes. Does anyone have an original idea anymore?

  15. What is the purpose of Colbert's sidekick? Just to let everyone know that somehow he missed the boat on one of the most classic movies ever created?

  16. can't say they weren't playing smart for not messing or even talking about the Ghostbuster one, dodged a Torpedo of sexist misogeny SJW discussion here

  17. Honestly, I liked Johns reactions in this video. Most of them were spot on: The repeated "I haven't seen that one" to every movie that is out already, the retour he gave Stephen on the slave joke and the slow "this-isn't-really-funny"-laugh at one of the weaker tag lines. I think those comments gave the bit the "depth" it was lacking in previous iterations.

  18. This piece sounds like Jimmy Fallon. Don't really like it. Colbert, you're better than Fallon, but only when you're not trying to sound like him.

  19. Sorry for being out of context… But this is up now. Stephen, if you are reading this, please please please, have Dr. Guy McPherson on your show. It is now vital. No, really!

  20. 2:17 — Hmm, I don't like the way Colbert is turning into Leno. That off-handed, post-joke approach is annoying, redundant and pandering. That repetition of comments with no actual jokes in them. He does it for Dory, and then Civil War. Look at him EXPLAINING the gag over and over. Gee-zus! Colbert has his own style; he should stick to it. For some reason, being in that chair is psychologically giving him the impetus to pull out this irritating character that is Leno's default position.

  21. https://www.change.org/p/crew-of-the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert-turn-off-jon-baptiste-s-mic-during-talking-segments-on-the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert?recruiter=561850772&utm_source=share_for_starters&utm_medium=copyLink

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