Late Show First Drafts: Graduation 2017

Late Show First Drafts: Graduation 2017


JON, ARE YOU EXCITED– ARE YOU
EXCITED ABOUT SUMMER TAKING OFF HERE BSTARTING UP THE SUMMER?>>Jon: OH, YEAH, I’M LOOKING
FORWARD TO IT, MAN. I LOVE SUMMER, IT’S MY FAVORITE.>>AND THE END OF THE SCHOOL
YEAR.>>Jon: IT I IT IS.>>Stephen: AND LAST WEEK I
UNDERSTAND YOU GAVE THE COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS AT SALVE
REGINA UNIVERSITY COLLEGE. WHAT DID YOU SAY TO THE KIDS? WHAT WAS YOUR MESSAGE OF HOPE
AND LEADERSHIP?>>Jon: I SAID YOU HAVE TO
FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE, WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND WHO YOU CAN HELP
ALONG THE WAY. THAT WAS MY THEME.>>Stephen: THAT’S NICE.( APPLAUSE )
YEAH, YEAH.
WE LIKE TO HELP PEOPLE. WE LEAK TO HELP PEOPLE ON THIS
SHOW.>>Jon: OH, YEAH, YEAH.>>Stephen: WE TRY TO, WE TRY
TO. WE DO, WE DO.>>Stephen: AND WE WOULD LIKE
TO HELP SOME OF THE GRADUATE RIGHT NOW. IN AROUND OF ALL THE GRADUATES
WE WOULD LIKE TO DO A GRADUATION SEGMENT OF “FIRST DRAFTS.”>>NO, STUPID!>>Stephen: WHENEVERY DO FIRST
DRAFTS I NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP ME READ THE FIRST DRAFTS UP
HERE. GOT ANYBODY WHO IS STILL IN
COLLEGE RIGHT NOW? ANYBODY OUT HERE WHO IS STILL IN
COLLEGE? ARE YOU? YOUNG LADY, ARE YOU STILL IN
COLLEGE?>>I GRADUATED.>>Stephen: YOU GRADUATED? WHAT IS YOUR NAME?>>ASHLEE.>>Stephen: GET YOUR ASS UP
HERE. COME ON. THANK YOU. THERE YOU GO. GO ALL THE WAY UP HERE. ALL RIGHT. LISTEN, SO YOU ALREADY
GRADUATED?>>JUST GRADUATE GLD WHERE DID
YOU GRADUATE FROM.>>THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS.>>Stephen: WHAT DID YOU
STUDY? THAT’S A GREAT SCHOOL.>>COMMUNITY HEALTH.>>Stephen: COMMUNITY HEALTH? DO YOU HAVE A HEALTH CARE PLAN
FOR AMERICA?>>I WISH I DID.>>Stephen: TO CELEBRATE YOUR
GRADUATE, HERE’S A LUKEWARM KEG BEER, AND A COPY OF “ALL THE
PLACES YOU’LL GO.” THAT’S FOR YOU.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: YOU CAN HOLD ON TO
THAT. WHAT’S YOUR LAST NAME.>>THAT’S ACTUAL BEER.>>Stephen: THAT’S ACTUAL
BEER. WAIT, ARE YOU 21?>>I AM.>>Stephen: EVERYTHING’S GREAT
THEN. GOT ME WORRIED THERE FOR A
SECOND, ASHLEE. CAN YOU PUT THAT OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO HOLD THIS STACK OF
CARDS. THESE ARE GRADUATION CARDS,
OKAY?>>OKAY.>>Stephen: THAT WE HAVE TWO
DRAFTS. WE HAVE THE ORIGINAL DRAFT, AND
WE HAVE THE– AND THE PHENYL DRAFT, OKAY. AND WE SHOW HOW THE PREMISE OF
THIS BIT THAT WE’RE ABOUT TO DO IS I WILL READ THE FINAL DRAFT
AND THEN READ THE FIRST DRAFT, TO SEE THE MISTAKE THEY MADE THE
FIRST TIME THIGH TRIED TO READ THE– WRITE THE CARD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?>>YES.>>Stephen: WITH ME?>>YES.>>Stephen: I’LL TAKE THAT
FIRST ONE. HERE’S A LOVELY GRADUATION CARD. IT SAYS, “CONGRATULATIONS CLASS
OF 2017.” IT’S A BIG WORLD OUT THERE– GO
FOR IT! WHICH IS AWFULLY NICE. THE KIND OF MESSAGE YOU WOULDN’T
MIND GETTING FOR YOUR FOLKS. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT READ, “MOM
CHANGED YOUR ROOM INTO A SHOE CLOSET.” ( APPLAUSE ).>>SOMETHING THIGH MOM WOULD DO.>>Stephen: IS YOUR MOM HERE?>>NO, SHE’S IN KANSAS.>>Stephen: SHE’S BACK IN
KANSAS? THIS ONE’S PRETTY PROFOUND. I BELIEVE THIS IS A QUOTE FROM
THOMAS PAINE. “CONGRATS, GRADS. THE MIND ONCE ENLIGHTENED CANNOT
BECOME DARK.” DEEP STUFF, RIGHT, DEEP STUFF. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT READ, “YOUR
DRUNK FACEBOOK PHOTOS ARE NEVER GOING AWAY.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ).>>OH, NO!>>Stephen: IT’S TRUE.>>I BETTER GET TO DELETING
THEN.>>Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU
PLANNING TO DO WITH YOUR DEGREE NOW THAT YOU’RE– NOW THAT YOU
HAVE GRADUATED? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR
DEGREE?>>I DON’T KNOW. ARE YOU GUYS HIRING?>>Stephen: I’M BEING TOLD
WE’RE NOT. I’M BEING TOLD WE’RE NOT. THIS ONE’S A BIT OF A PEP TALK. IT SAYS, “CONGRATS, GRADUATES. NOW THAT ALL STANDS BETWEEN AND
YOU YOUR DREAMS IS BELIEF IN YOURSELF. THAT’S TRUE. THE FIRST DRAFT READ, “REMEMBER,
IF YOU HAVE TO, YOU CAN SELL YOUR BLOOD.”>>OH, NO! NEVER DONE THAT, I CAN SAY.>>Stephen: I REALLY LIKE THIS
ONE. IT RESIDENT, “GREAT WORK, GRAD. YOUR FUTURE IS UP TO YOU.” IT’S TRUE. IT’S TRUE, ASHLEE. THE FIRST DRAFT READ,ING, ,” WE’
NOT PAYING FOR GRAD SCHOOL.” AREV YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GRAD
SCHOOL?>>I THOUGHT ABOUT IT GR I
DIDN’T GO.>>I’M GOING TO TAKE A BREAK.>>Stephen: I WAS GOING TO GO
TO GRADUATE SCHOOL>>AND HERE YOU ARE.>>Stephen: YEAH, WORKS OUT. I AM PROOF THAT EDUCATION IS
OVER-RATED ( LAUGHTER )
HERE’S A CARD THAT SAYS, “NEXT STOP: MED SCHOOL!”
THAT COULD BE FOR YOU. THAT COULD BE FOR YOU, ASHLEE.>>YOU NEVER KNOW. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID,
“PLEASE BECOME A DOCTOR BEFORE TRUMP TAKES AWAY OUR INSURANCE.” THIS CARD SAYS– THERE’S A
LOVELY GRADUATE RIGHT THERE. AND IT SAYS, “HOORAY, YOU DID
IT.”>>WHAT DID IT REALLY SAY?>>Stephen: BUT THE FIRST
DRAFT SAID, ” “YOU CAN FINALLY TELL PEOPLE
YOU’RE DATING YOUR PROFESSOR!”>>Stephen: ANY OF THAT GOING
AROUND AT THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS?>>I HOPE NOT THAT. NOT THEY HEARD OF.>>Stephen: MY COLLEGE LOVED
THAT. BUT I WENT TO ACTING SCHOOL, SO
THAT’S TO BE EXPECTED.>>RIGHT.>>Stephen: IT’S PART OF THE
MAJOR. HERE’S ONE THAT SAYS– THERE’S
AN OWL, KIND OF CHARMING. AND IT SAYS, “WE KNEW YOU COULD
DO IT!” BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, “WE
JUST DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD TAKE YOU SEVEN YEARS!”
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
DID YOU DO IT IN FOUR YEARS?>>FOUR YEARS.>>Stephen: FOUR YEARS?>>YEAH. I MADE IT.>>Stephen: FIVE, I DID FIVE. IT TOOK MY FIVE YEARS. AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHEN I
GRADUATED, THERE WAS NO DIPLOMA INSIDE OF MY LITTLE LEATHER
THING. THERE LITERALLY WAS JUST A TORN
PIECE OF LEGAL PAD THAT SAID– FROM THE DEAN. IT SAID, “SEE ME.” TRUE STORY. I GOT AN INCOMPLETE, GOT AN
INCOMPLETE. THIS IS A NICE SENTIMENT. IT SAYS, “WAY TO GO, GRADUATE! CARPE DIEM!”
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID “THAT’S THE LAST TIME YOU’LL EVER USE
YOUR LATIN MAJOR.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ASHLEE, CONGRATULATIONS.>>THANK YOU SO MUCH.>>Stephen: YOU CAN TAKE THE
BEER WITH YOU.>>OH, THANK YOU!>>Stephen: AND YOU CAN TAKE
THAT RIGHT OVER THERE.>>THANK YOU.>>Stephen: WE’LL BE RIGHT

100 thoughts on “Late Show First Drafts: Graduation 2017”

  1. "You have to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and who you can help along the way."
    – Jon Baptiste

  2. That Ashley is pretty media savvy. Most people just stare nervously, (as I probably would), but she really interacted! Great pick Stephen! 😊

  3. What a charming young woman! And she's just exhanging banter with Stephen like it's nothing. Seriously cool.

  4. im pretty sure you cant sell your blood seeing as how there are so many DONORS …..and rightfully so #mankind

  5. Ashley is as good as any of the other guests on the show. Very impressive for her (assumed to be) first time on national TV.

  6. 4:05 unless you're a man who had sex with another man, as the pulse Nightclub massacre helped illustrate… still want to cry.

  7. #CongratsAshley!!!
    And that goes for Everyone aswell that graduates.
    Have graduated.
    Or…
    Will Graduate.

    Now I might become popular since I covered them all. ^O^;

  8. Is it just me or Ashley looks and sounds like Jennifer Connely with darker skin? She's hella cute! #hireAshley2017

  9. Ashley was quite comfortable and witty with Stephen. I mean, most of us would've just been awkward af.

  10. I love how there were people flying out of their seats with their hands up to go up on stage, but he picked some random cute girl who was looking the other way, without her hand up, who had already finished college.

  11. This was such an awesome segment! I love you Colbert! Congrats Ashley! I graduated two years ago and have taken a break so I understand the idea. Keep your head up life may be crazy and take you unexpected places but know you can do good no matter where you end up!

  12. i know that a lot of things we learn in school never becomes useful, but given how most people today are totally clueless about the basic things that SHOULD be useful yet they're still successful, is it so wrong to want to know anything?

  13. If you have to, you can sell your blood – That's true regardless even if not in college. I did it when in Job Corps, there would be a big group going to sell blood for extra money. Besides, it goes for a good cause

  14. Pre selected "spontaneous" guest. I thought colbert would be the man of the people type. Seeing this girl beeing preselected is kind of trumpish

  15. If Stephen Colbert told me to get my ass on his stage, I’d have cried.

    She’s seems like such a sweetheart and very comfortable in front of the camera. Anyone know her Instagram?

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